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I hear the front door open and close as well and realize You have indeed left me alone, with the pain and fear. I am in the dark and alone. I sob softly, pulling desperately at the bounds suspending me from the ceiling. Fear runs rampant through my mind. Every little creak of the house makes me jump in fright. I sob helplessly as the demons from the past come to surround me in the darkness. Invading my mind and torturing me. They are much cruller than the whip or the crop, for they have the power over my mind. Flashes of the past rip through my mind and I try once more to escape my bonds. Terrified now by the unseen things in the darkness. My mind races trying to battle the fear until it overwhelms and I slip into a sate of unconsciousness. Hanging there, with the demons, no longer fighting them. Knowing I can’t win. When I awake You are there glaring at me. I glare back and realize the hood and gag are gone. I feel tears well in my eyes and turn my face from. "?"?Why do you think that you can't make the breakthrough of letting go ofyour male persona?"?"?Choices that I've made and that have been made for me all have made mea coward to deal with something even as important to my life as this.What people think about me is way too important to me . Survival byattempting to blend in by avoiding those who will use violence towardssomeone different. In America, my birth condition isn't taken seriouslyin medicine and the treatment we need is only available to those who canpay full price for it without insurance."?.< p>"?Can you tell me about some of those choices?"?"?From early childhood, I knew that I was different but it wasn't untilpuberty when my body rebelled against my mind and openly starteddisplaying male characteristics that it dawned on me that the differencewas that I was really a girl and everyone was trying to cast me in therole of a boy. I could have expressed those differences but I learned toget along by going along with the role.
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