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It was wild.Carol told me that all the sexy atmosphere made her horny. She wanted to pull her dress up and finger fuck herself to a massive orgasm in front of everyone, but she didn't. She asked me, "I did alright, didn't I?"I pulled her to me and said, "I'm so proud of you."When the bachelorette party was over Carol came home, a little tipsy and very horny. She told me about all the goings-on while I stroked my cock and she finger fucked herself. She was very explicit about the Firemen's dancers cocks and the wild goings-on with sexual abandon by her friends.I asked, "Did you miss having sex with them?"She said, "I was turned on, but I really wanted to come home and have sex with you."As for the bachelor party, Chucky had arranged a function room at one of the more elegant hotels in town. I was still apprehensive about it, but Carol said, "Go and have a good time as your last night as a bachelor." The party started with an open bar and many of the people were making sexy jokes. You are forever waiting for the sun to disappear. You have no peace and nor do I, knowing your fears. You do have another life. A ‘normal’ life. You show me pictures of loved ones and events, you tell me boring normal stories as if I could somehow just absorb your normality and all would be well. You plead for more time as if it would make a difference but you are appealing to the wrong saviour. Who is the more deluded? I have no regrets and no reason to fight this inevitability. I have seen and felt more to this point than you ever will. I’ve loved, lost, hated, born a child and lost a child. It is Christopher’s death that has finally allowed me to see past your smoke and mirrors. Don’t look like that. I’m not depressed. Relieved. Happy even, if that’s at all possible. Fear of loss is so much harder to bear than the loss itself. I ache each day for him but it is nothing compared to the ache I felt when he was alive. Don’t cry and don’t pretend you too are not a little relieved. .
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