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” He said, “I don’t care what she looks like.” Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old.” He said, “You must have been quite a kid!”When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too.”One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said. “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show-off.When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge said, “Me too.” Then I told him that. I wanted to explore her body, but there was no one that she would let her son do that.I guess she must of noticed me staring at her crotch, because she looked up from her book and asked me what I was looking at. I said, "nothing mom, you just have a hole in your PJs." She looks down and says, "oops, guess I do. But I'm sure there's nothing there you've never seen before." I mumble a response and turn my attention back to the TV. On the TV, as luck would have it, was a commercial for a diabetes medication. This caught mom's attention since dad had Type 2 diabetes. Mom said, "Oh, that's the medicine dad's on. It does a good job at keeping his blood sugar in check, but it has side effects." To try and get a conversation going, I said, "side effects, like what?" Mom totally takes me by surprise when she says, "oh it makes him impotent." What!!! Did my mom just say that??? "Dad hasn't fucked me in over a year because of that supid medicine." I reply, "A year, mom, holy shit! If I was dad.
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