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Background noises of speaking, a trolly banging, somebody moaningintrude the silence between us. Thoughts of mutilation crowd me. Out ontour we'd sometimes had hushed conversations about mutilating injuries -what would you rather have blown off, cock or balls? Childish stuff, Iknow - but that was almost the worst damage we could imagine; better toloose both legs than your cock and balls. A couple of the lads had saidthey'd rather be dead, but here was Holly who'd chosen thatdisfigurement."You know I used to think about you a lot, when you left to join theArmy," she says. "Tried to imagine what you were putting yourselfthrough. I was kind of able to imagine it because you'd told me so muchabout it - the selections, those really hard tests you had to pass to bea paratrooper."Really hard didn't come close, but it's tough to articulate to somebodywho hasn't been through them what the selection tests for Britain'sAirborne Forces feel like. Or what it means at the end when you'reparaded and. ”“Are you interested?”“Bill, I’m probably going to be behind these bars for the rest of my life. What can I offer someone like that?”“I don’t know. Maybe respect, tenderness, and joy. I wouldn’t close the door just because of how your circumstances appear, and I certainly wouldn’t try to make up her mind for her. She deserves the opportunity to decide for herself what her definition of happiness is.”“Don’t I have anything to say about the matter?”“Sure. Just make sure the decisions you make are for you, not for her. John, if you don’t want a relationship with her, or if you only want her to be your friend; then fine, tell her that. But, if you try to push her away to protect her, you’ll cause her great harm.”“Bill, those are pretty strong words. Are you sure you’re not in love with her yourself?”“John, I’m happily married with two great kids. But, I’ve known Brenda since before high school. She’s strong in some ways, and very fragile in others. I’ve seen her fall in love several.
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