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This second time around? They were a world apart. Literally. Nothing could come of this…exchange. That was it, she thought. This was an exchange. Back and forth. Not a joining. Bashert was absolutely the wrong word, she repeated to herself.She thought of some of his other words, though. The ones she closed quickly on her screen when someone came near. The ones that made her heart flutter. The ones that made her wonder. What would THAT feel like?She thought of those words, and she envied some of what he said. Some of his boldness. Her life now? There never seemed to be a time and place for boldness. She often felt alone. Lonely. Be bold? How? With whom? Where and when would she ever…?Her thoughts drifted. Her hands drifted. She didn’t realize it, as she lay naked on the cool bed, but her hands had drifted, and she felt her nipples beneath her palms, as both hands cupped her full breasts. She felt her nipples harden to her touch. Her own touch, she thought. He has written words to me. I didn't want tobe laughed at or thought weird. I really did like you and you werealways so sweet to me that you were my best friend, that I finally gavein and decided to lose my virginity and see if I could enjoy my life awoman."That night at the party, I encouraged you and then gave into yourflirtations. I knew that you were still a virgin and I was one as well.It was awkward for us both, but we figured it out. I did my part andstared up at you as you drunkenly pawed me and thrust yourself deepinside me."I looked away and hid my eyes."Don't be embarrassed," he continued, "I seduced you as much as youseduced me. I wanted to find out if I could enjoy it."Afterwards when you were dead asleep from a combination of sexualrelease and the alcohol, I got out of bed. It had nothing to do withyou, but I realized that even though my body responded with pleasure, Ihad totally hated the sexual experience. I had felt weak, trapped andoverpowered. Even thought you were gentle and I was willing, I.
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