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I knew the house inside and out, I'd thought, and then one day a panel falls open and you see a passage way to a whole new wing. I couldn't wait to explore every inch of it. It was a delicious blend of the safe and familiar, and the unknown.As I got into bed, I wondered what John had in store for us tonight. It was pretty late, so maybe he just wanted to sleep. I hoped not, but he was Sir, and I'd been pretty pushy since yesterday. I didn't really want to be a brat, I was just overexcited about ... everything. But I tend to get manic when I get excited and I didn't want John to regret us getting together as I don't think 'manic' is a positive thing for him. So I reminded myself that this was a marathon not a sprint, unlike all my previous relationships. I needed to let him lead, to get comfortable with it and not drag him where I hoped we'd go.Trying to think about things from his perspective was good practice, and as I lay there listening to him clean up, I thought about what he'd. Although my tummy rumbled, and I felt weak, I was blissfully happy sitting there. The loneliness had abated as I watched the tide come in. The stars above were brilliant and the beach had emptied of most people. When I looked around, I was filled with a sense of belonging to the scene around me. It was as if I was a lone rock centered in the expanse of white sand upon which I sat. This was my place, my rightful place.Down a bit, and to my left, a crowd of kids about my age lingered, laughing, talking, flirting. Doing all the things that normal teenagers do. I did not envy them for they could not know the things that I knew. They would not know them for many years, if ever. I alone was master of my destiny, and I thought that even if I should die right there, sitting on that beach, then I would have died a better death than so many other people in the world.Tears came to my eyes and I cried silently... tears of joy, tears of relief. Thank God I left when I did. Thank the fates that I.
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