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” Sandy and I sat next to each other and cuddled up, holding hands. Carol was smiling; this ‘relationship idea’ was her baby.Her parents came in, and Sandy and I stood up, me with my arm around her.Her parents looked at us, wondering what was going on. We all sat back down.“Mr. and Mrs. Steiner, I’ve fallen in love with your daughter. I certainly didn’t expect to, but as they say, ‘You can’t control who you fall in love with?’”While her parents looked shocked, I grabbed her hand and kissed it, trying to help sell this idea.“I know she’s younger than me, but when she told me that she felt this way for me since she and Carol were in grammar school together, I immediately realized I also had feelings for her. Feelings I wanted to pursue, but she told me that you two had to approve or we couldn’t be together.”Louis, her father, cleared his throat and said, “The age difference isn’t as important as how much you two love each other, and I clearly see that she loves you. How does your sister. I don't want to be but I am, that's all there is to it. I want to be nice to people, I despise myself when I play my games, but I can't help it. I feel like a puppet sometimes, like I'm dancing to someone else's tune while they pull the strings of my life.I try to cry about it when I'm alone here in my bedroom, but I can't even do that.In the middle of the night ... you know that feeling when you don't know whether you are asleep or awake? Your mind just floats somewhere in the cosmos and you don't think about anything at all, at least nothing you can remember when the light of day finally opens your eyes.Well, I remember!Not all the time, just once or twice. And I remember that I hate myself. In the middle of the night I semi-woke and found myself in that place and I remembered so clearly that I pinched my arm really hard to try to make myself cry. I couldn't ... Not a single tear.But now, the feeling is taking over, I am starting to doubt who I am even in the harsh reality of my.
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