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But power gained through greater experience alone is only temporary and my time had run out. Ten months later I had gone from impressing her with my sexual experience to disappointing her. Her passion, lust and pure sexual energy had left me floundering and apologising. And it worsened. Whilst her public shyness remained and remains, in private it had slowly evaporated and as it did it unveiled deeply buried desires that I had not anticipated. Her submissiveness hadn’t surprised me, after all her mannerisms, her body language, her dress sense, her smile all had given me strong hints in our early days that she was submissive. Yet the depth of it had. Her desire to be spanked and her arousal when she was, far exceeded my desire to spank her. As we approached our first anniversary I began to fear we were sexually mismatched. Our sex life became verbally enlivened with fantasies of May and other men. As our hopes and fears of hearing from Jeffrey faded we returned to sharing our. I’m pretty sure she didn’t believe me when I told her I was a pilot, she torched me in short order. What follows is my fantasy of what might have been her story and what might have happened. It’s about overcoming—coming back from—something that happens in your life that almost kills you and fucks you up in the head just enough to dull your humanity. You can still function, even function at a very high level. You’re not suicidal, not even depressed. It’s as if the affect side of your brain—the feelings side—has just shut down because the pain of what you saw or experienced is too massive to deal with. If you’ve ever been in or witnessed a serious auto accident—one in which people die, are dismembered, or you watched them die—you’ve felt it. A tornado ripping out every house around you—that’ll do it. Watching people die or lose essential body parts in combat is a sure bet. If you are lucky, you mope through a few days or weeks and come out the other end reasonably whole again. If.
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