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I couldn't.I got off the bed and silently dressed. A lone tear ran down my face.I undid the cuffs."Close your eyes and keep them closed," I whispered. "Okay?"Michelle nodded.I took off the sleep mask. I put everything in my backpack and I vanished.I walked home conflicted. I wanted to fuck Michelle. I so wanted to do her but when it came right down to it I couldn't. I knew I would enjoy it. It was sex. It would be good but I couldn't just fuck her against her will.I had thought about fucking Allison too. I was going to further punish her by fucking her ass but as much as I hated her and thought she deserved further punishment, I couldn't do that either.I returned home. I quietly cried on my bed. I had power in my life now. I was always the powerless before. I deserved to take from whoever I wanted and do whatever I wanted, but my conscience wouldn't let me do it. Stupid conscience! Robbing the armored car was okay because I didn't hurt anybody. I couldn't fuck Michelle against her. The question was how far? I looked at my body with a small, but variable layer of fat over my abdominal muscles and the thickness of those muscles. I wanted to get the blade just inside the abdominal cavity just to see if I could.I have a knife with a five inch blade. It is a Gerber dagger with a very sharp double edge and not too wide. Even going 1.25 inches, it would cause a wound only .5 inches wide or so. I measured off 1.25 inches and put several layers of duct tape on the blade as a safety stop. This would absolutely guarantee that the blade would stop at the desired depth. I was confident in my calculations and would just look at the blade, review my movie from last year and get giddy and nervous and excited imagining the blade going into my gut.This was around the 2nd week of July. I need to do this by the 23rd. I was so ready and getting myself worked up psychologically for the annual ritual. To be honest, just the thought of a piece of hard, cold steel blade entering my.
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