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" You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap."And the pirate replied,"It was my first day with the hook."This one is compliments of LarryEver wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.What makes life 100%?If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Zis represented as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Then:K N O W L E D G E11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%H A R D W O R K8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%But,A T T I T U D E1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%And,B U L L S H I T2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%So, it stands to reason that knowledge and hard work will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.This one is compliments of IgorSix Affairs:The First Affair:A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their. Do you want me to be kidding you? Or would you rather I was being serious?" "If I tell you, it would just be between you and me, right? You'd never tell my mom?" "I promise, Joe, cross my heart." "There isn't any guy I can think of who wouldn't want to be your boyfriend, me included. Ever since I was, well, whenever it was you first made friends with Mom, well, you're so beautiful and, um, sexy." "So, if was your girlfriend what would you want. You've already kissed me and it was pretty nice, especially once you got bold enough to make it interesting." "What would I want with you, if you were really my girlfriend? What if I tell you and it makes you mad?" "The only thing, Joe, that would make me upset is if you didn't want me." "Well, if you were my girlfriend, Mia, I'd sure want to do a lot more than just kissing." "And, why don't you show me, Joe." Slowly, his hand rose up and dropped onto my left breast. I leaned into him and gave him a soft, warm kiss that told him all he needed.
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