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But I was always really curious about boys, and what I fantasized about was seeing boys get together the way I got together with my girlfriends. The problem was that for the boys being called gay, or bi, or fag, or queer, was like being kicked in the crotch. They dreaded it worse than death. The girls, on the other hand, even the straight ones, generally thought that it was pretty cool to be called bisexual or even lesbian. This weird dis-symmetry bothered me, not because I was into theory, but because I really ached to see a couple of hot guys get together. For a long time I thought it was never going to happen, that I’d have to be content with gaping at boy-boy porn on the web, but then I met Elias. Actually he had been in my high school for a year already before I ever talked with him. He was tall, slim, and muscular in a wiry way, very quiet, and spent most of his time practicing for marathons. We ended up, during our senior year, sitting next to each other in world history. Once.” George gave him a look. Bingo! I thought. Dave is in! “I really enjoy getting fucked,” I said, the booze making me daring. George looked surprised, but Dave said, “I’d do you. You have a nice ass.” The quiet one knew how to charm. My heart fluttered and my ass twitched. So I set it up. We passed the park boundary and the trail narrowed. Bushes brushed my bare legs, wetting them. My heart shifted gears as we got close to the pavilion. To calm my wanton thoughts I considered how I would handle this. I could approach it two ways. Either take control in an essentially receptive role, submitting on my terms to get what I want, or just surrender and let it play out. The act is not the issue. The issue is control. I offer my body to be used, certainly, but not to be abused. I share myself for mutual pleasure. I know how to submit without surrendering. I learned from mistakes. Lacking experience, drunk, and in a highly debauched state of mind my first time, I made the mistake of.
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