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I don’t want to lose my crew until we’re home. So, what I want to do, if these people let us get off the ship to stretch our legs, is give you half of your pay to date. That would be twenty-six Pinches. If you want, you can spend it all on ale and women. It’s none of my business what you do with your money. But, I want you to come back onboard before we sail, so I’m holding back the other half of your pay until we get home.”“Now, is there anyone here in the crew who is so ugly that it would take him twenty-six Pinches to get laid?” There was some laughter and a few suggestions at that. “No, not even Cookie is that ugly. So, I suggest that you not take it all with you when you go ashore. If you take that all into an alehouse, you’ll wake up in the morning feeling sick, and all your money will be gone. Is there anyone here who can DRINK twenty-six Pinches worth of ale?”There were quite a few men who claimed that they could. “No, I don’t believe you. And I don’t want you to show me. So,. If she only knew. And she would probably know soon enough. Even if she didn’t open the package, she would surely ask me what it was when I returned home. I could hardly focus on work while I was gone. I spent nearly the entire trip imagining the shocked and disgusted reaction on my wife’s face as she opened the package. I thought through lies I could tell if she just asked what it was. I could tell her it was a gift I bought for her, but why? Her birthday wasn’t coming up. Neither was our anniversary or Christmas. So why would I buy her something and then not let her open it? I was screwed, and not in the way I hoped when I made the purchase. The agonizing trip finally came to an end and I was on my way home from the airport. As I made the drive, I actually wished the trip had been extended. I still didn’t know how to deal with this situation.I walked into the house and prepared for the worse. I was greeted at the door, however, not by an angry, upset wife, but by a smiling one. She.
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