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So much pain to deliver a life so small. Giving birth was perhaps the most painful and colorful moment of my life, the ripping of a soul that I’m not even sure exists. It tore from me like the wing of bird, disabling my flight through the azure dawn of existence. I felt that when I was crying my tears were made of glass because they hurt as they came out razor edges carving bloody scars down my cheeks dropping like bullets onto my heaving chest, dividing lines around my heart, stilling my flowing stream of consciousness into a stagnant pool of sharp edged and bitter regret. My whole being became pain. I was a soul writhing in a sea of boiling agony and I screamed like a wolf that howls in mourning. I screamed like a bird that soars across the horizon. And all eyes were on me and I was dying in the pain that engulfed me and swallowed me whole. If only I could die I would be happy. Laying eyes on my son erased the pain and closed the wounds on my face and body, it breathed new life. I really enjoyed dancing nude but I eventually wanted to do more and went to my knees and, because I was wearing stockings, easily slid my thighs apart on the tile floor, bent back, and continued fingering. Performing sensually in the nude for my husband’s poker buddies wasn't something I envisioned even after I came home. But it turned out to be way more erotic than I thought it would be. I think it was partly because of the added element of getting off to my husband getting off to what I was doing in the presence of his friends. In other words, not only was I an exhibitionist fulfilling my desires but my husband was getting off to his role in exposing me. Seeing that they weren't likely to get back to poker, my husband came up to me, leaned over, and said, “I have a good idea I think you’ll like. Let’s take you and your masturbation show into our living room.” He helped me up and then invited his friends to bring their beers into our living room. He switched on the lamps on both.
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