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However, therewas just a tiny bit of regret mixed in as well. It was not that I wantedto be caught. That would have been mortifying to the point of myquitting my job on the spot. It wasn't that I wanted to bed any of myco-workers, for though I had fantasized about a threesome, it wasn'twith anyone here.No.What I felt was the regret one gets when you realize that you aresexually invisible. No matter how committed a relationship is, we allwant to think of ourselves as objectively desirable. We want to thinkthat we are special. The fact that nobody looked at me closely enough to notice that I wasnot the man I used to be was a strange sort of confirmation that I wasnot so special after all. It made me regret asking Natalie about athreesome, even though I was half joking at the time. Did that hurt herin any way?My imagination ran away with me. Was this all an elaborate trick toteach me a lesson? Her best friend was holding onto my DNA. I would haveto get her to change me back eventually,. "We're going to find out though." Damned straight I'm going to find out," I said as I got to my feet.Ab stepped in front of me and said, "Don't do it, Jase." Get out of my way, Ab. Someone's going to die over this." Yeah, but we don't want it to be you, Jase," Caleb said as he stepped beside Ab. "We're going to find out who did this and then it'll be taken care of, proper like." Listen to them, Son," mom said.Millie and Lettie came over on either side of me and put an arm around me. Abby slid in between me and Ab and threw her arms around my hips.I couldn't help it. I started to cry. I know it wasn't manly. I know it wasn't how my Indian ancestors would have reacted. I allowed my wives to lead me over to our wagon and I sat against a wagon wheel and silently let out my grief.Abby climbed on my lap and put her arms around my neck. I buried my face against her shoulder and allowed my grief to run its course.After I had calmed some, Millie whispered, "I told John to keep an eye on Tess..
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