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I worried the infantilization would undercut my ability to negotiate, but it was out there and I couldn’t think of any way to fix it. ‘Good. I’m gratified they appreciated my efforts.’ He was aloof. That was an effort? Declining to make my wedding a marketing circus was an effort? He was gratified? I knew efforts was an attempt to spin his backing down as going out of his way to do something nice for us. That I could stomach. Gratified was just pompous. Jeff would have been gratified I didn’t burst into flame and call my father an asshole. My newfound ability not to fly off the handle was a measure both of how far I had come and how far I had needed to come. I was embarrassed at who I used to be. ‘Dad, you have a lot of business friends and associates coming to my wedding. I think you’re not doing them justice by inviting them this way.’ Since I hadn’t had a lot of time to prepare for this, I had discussed the wording with Jeff. He agreed with my analysis. Having a lot of people did. “Oh my God, you’re awful,” she said, slapping me with the bra. “Not as awful as that bra.”“Come on, I’m going to try it on and you tell me what you think then,” she said, grabbing my hand. “Ugh,” I said, pretending to go reluctantly. She got the store assistant to unlock the changing room and quickly changed. “OK, I’m coming out,” she said, opening the door. “Now what do you think?” she said, placing her hands on her hips. “OK, so it looks better—“ “See! I told you,” she said, cutting me off. “But it still isn’t great. A pink one would look a lot better with your skin and hair.” She got a little steamed and headed back into the room. She seemed frustrated, likely at me, and then called out, “UGH, Zach!” I sighed, softly, “Fuck,” then louder, “Yeah Tiff?“I need help with the hook,” she said. Still being a smartass, I snapped, “You’re 23 and can’t get your own bra off?” She was still flustered, but I could hear her trying to hold back laughter, “It’s a triple hook; I can’t get the last.
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