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" You got me a date?" Yes." Who?" Me."It took her a long time to talk me into it. First I said, "No way! I can hear it now; "Derek had to bring his mommy to the prom. Derek is a mommy's boy, Derek is a mommy's boy." My reputation as a nerd was bad enough without piling that on top of it.But mom beat down every argument I put forth. "First honey, none of your teachers has ever met me so the chaperones won't know who I am and none of the kids you go to school with have ever seen me so they won't know either. I look ten years younger than I am and you look two years older than you are so all they are going to see is a good looking guy with an older girlfriend. Just think what that will do for your reputation."I was still leery, but in the end I caved in, more to please my mom than for any other reason."Don't you worry baby, I'll make you proud."She did and before we even left the house. She was an absolute knock out. The way she dressed, the way she did her hair and makeup made her look. She's scared to death, of catching AIDS," he confided in a whisper."Oh." Put that way, it made kind of sense. "She really won't mind?" I asked.He chuckled. "Actually, I think she'll be glad to get six weeks rest. Every night and every morning, is starting to wear on her."Ohmigawd! "You do it THAT often?" I asked. 50+ years old, and STILL going that strong? I wondered what kind of stud he had been when he was my age."Well actually, I jack off a couple-three times a day too," he admitted somewhat shamefacedly. "What?... Oh, here." He shoved the phone in my face. "My wife wants to talk to you," he said."Huh?" I didn't really have time to object. What WAS I going to say to this incredible man's lovely wife? She MUST be lovely, to capture and hold a man like him."You take good care of him," came the tinny voice at the other end of the wire, "or I'll come down there and tear your heart out."I suddenly realized what was happening. The woman thought she was about to lose her husband to.
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