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"Now more," the distant voice said.I could feel another pull from my center, something that made my blood boil and my heart turn to ice. I could feel the want and need gnaw at me. I needed these women more than air itself, but I just wanted to run and hide. I knew I felt intense desire for them, and this made me fear myself and what I would do without control. I refocused to my center and let it all flow again. The turbulence in my stream almost dragged me off, but I let these go free. I released the needs and I released myself from the wants. I let go and became a void. All was calm again and I accepted the desires, needs and wants."Finaly." came an even more distant and quieter voice.I sat at the center of everything and felt it. It was insidious and cold, quiet and bitter, sharp and more hurtful than a slash from a steel blade. Without focus I would have become something that I could not, and would not have been able to control. I felt a focused pinpoint of vibration. It became. Now go to sleep, will ya?" He turned over and yanked up the covers again. I sat there and stared at him."I probably shouldn't not go with you any more," I muttered, hurt. He raised his head again. "I'll just cause you trouble. You don't need to get on the bad side of those bums."He turned over again, and pushed up on his elbow. "You're my best friend, and I already deserted you three times now. I shoulda stepped it that first day. I just ... fuck," he said angrily. "Defending you woulda done exactly what you said it would." Telling them I'm gay." Are you gay?" he asked angrily. "I mean, it's OK if you are. I just ... I just don't want to embarrass you by asking."I sat looking at him, considering the question. I was not gay. My interest in guys was almost zero. My obsession was David, not guys. I longed to be his girlfriend. Unfortunately."What did you want to ask me when you woke me up, David? That?"He looked away, embarrassed. "Sort of, yeah."I was confused. "What exactly?" I.
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