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I'd never felt so helpless – for the first time in my adult life I honestly didn't know what to do.But she did.She said something, quietly. So quietly I wasn't sure what I'd heard. Maybe I just didn't want to hear it."What?" I cannot stand that pain ... but you must save her." Anna, I..." You must! I cannot be save ... but she can!"Kill me, Hunter. Kill me so the pain will not return ... then you save Elenita."I lost the battle with my tears. She must have sensed my reluctance ... my refusal to to this horrible thing. She tried to speak between her sobs."Please, Hunter ... it is my fault ... I did not leave when you tell me ... I wanted to use the shower again ... but he comes before I am done ... you cannot let this happen to her because of me."It wasn't her fault. It was mine. My own stupidity had brought this about. My own weakness meant this lovely, wonderfully unique girl would have to die ... and I would have to kill her. If I didn't, another wonderfully unique girl would also. Nelly and I often talked about it, Hester told us what pleasure it was; we could hear Tom and Hester doing it. Nelly if sleeping with me used to listen. They used to hang a cloth before the door, — there were cracks in it,-if they did not, we could see through if there were light, and some- times they forgot. Nelly and I have both seen Tom’s cock that way. Once he showed it to me as it were by accident; he was in the privy, and he called out to me to bring him a leaf. When I took it him his cock was out and stiff; he grinned, I looked, he took the leaf, and ran a hole in it with his finger, and put his cock through the hole, then he said, ‘If you tell Hester that, she will turn you out.’ So I never told, but I told Nelly. He did the same to Nelly one day, but we held our tongues.”That is all I have to say about Sophy here. I had her from time to time until within three months of her confinement, for simple curiosity. I had no pleasure in it when her belly got big, but I kept her in.
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