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.. guilt, I guess," she said finally. "I didn't feel good about what I was doing at first... I think I started picking fights with you and stuff so I could just keep going. After a while, it didn't... I didn't feel so guilty anymore if I could blame you... you know?" I began to see everything a different. Every time you were short with me or didn't agree with me... whether it was real or imagined... it gave me an excuse to see one more thing in a bad light. It got to be easy to make myself the victim. I started seeing you as holding me back, pressuring me to be something I couldn't be. I saw you still weren't trusting me from the first affair and I began to resent it. I thought you were trying to control me."Then, in my mind, what I was doing wasn't so bad. I mean, if I made myself believe you were the bad guy, then how could I be at fault, right? It helped make my guilt a little less each time I did something I shouldn't. I needed that. I couldn't have kept on without it... and I had. I have never seen anything like it."One of my questions was answered but I didn't know about the other one."My babies?" I think they are doing fine. How do you feel otherwise?" Okay aside from the bruised ribs, aches and pains. Can I see myhusband?" Yeah. Sure. Why not?" He definitely had a dazed expression and moppedhis profusely sweating brow.A nurse guided my husband into the room. He looked like he had beencrying for a while. My mom and dad were behind him and both looked likethey had a rough time too.My husband stopped walking because he noticed that I was moving andlooking at him. He rushed to my side and said, "I assumed you died sincesome of the nurses came out of the room crying."The doctor still had an ashen face. "She did die. We called the codeblue and worked on her. Nothing we did helped and so we quit working onher and I was getting ready to pronounce her dead. She suddenly cameback to life from a certifiable death." He paused and lifted one handup. "One.
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