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I felt content; I dreamed vivid poppy-dreams. With Ben's connections and the money ever ready at my disposal, it would be so very easy to get more, to insulate myself forever against real life and the future.Against this, my only defence was a raw nihilistic need for sexual degradation. Not much of a contest. In a life stripped of love, and almost entirely of relationships, the balance of my mind was now teetering on the very edge of complete self-destruction. It got so bad, the call I'd made a call before Margaret, this one to auntie Susan, dialling her number for the first time in three years, hoping against hope that Sarah would pick up the phone first. I wasn't surprised when Susan answered with a withering blast of bile and slammed the phone down. The only thing she told me that wasn't obscene confirmed that Sarah had left home. So why wasn't she trying to find me? Or I her? I couldn't face that one at all. Perhaps I'd ask Margaret where Sarah was, if I dared, but I knew I. Her ease with the snowshoes made him wonder if she hadn’t used some before.However, they had to change their method of dragging the logs. Morales usually tied a rope around the front of the log and pulled while Jasmine pushed. But the new buildup of snow didn’t support the skis under the front of the log adequately, allowing the skis to dig into the powder. They solved the problem by tying ropes near the front and both lifting up a bit as they pulled while Lobo and Lila took turns pushing from the back.If they had been moving the larger logs that Morales had used for his front wall, they would have been in trouble, but they managed the smaller diameter ones in the deeper snow without too much of a hassle. After the first trip, and with the snow packed down some, moving the second logs back to the cave became much easier, and the next trips were even easier.They wound up with five logs inside before sunset. Since they had eaten an early lunch, everyone was famished by the time they.
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