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So ... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn ... Well, what’s the really bad news?”The officer replies, “Well Mr. President, it’s Melania’s handwriting.”Donald Trump calls Angela Merkel’s office.Her secretary answers.Trump asks, “What’s the time difference between Washington and Berlin?”The secretary replies, “Just a second, Mr. President...”Trump: “Thanks.”A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Trump fans.Not really knowing what a Trump fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.The teacher asked Little Johnny why he’d decided to be different ... again.Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not a Trump fan.”The teacher said, “Why aren’t you a fan of Trump?”Johnny said, “Because I’m a Democrat.”The teacher asked him why he was a Democrat.Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Democrat and my Dad’s a Democrat, so I’m a Democrat.”Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron and your. “You’re a fucking liar! I swear to God, if you’ve laid a finger on her, you’re a dead man. I fucking know people, yeah?”“Lauren!” I called. “Do you think you could hurry up, please? Your friend’s threatening to have me killed.” The toilet flushed upstairs and I looked up to see Lauren emerging from the bathroom, looking slightly dishevelled, adjusting her bikini. “Leave it, Shannon,” she called down. “It’s fine.”“The fuck are you doing in his bathroom?”Lauren shrugged, looking a little more confident as she made her way down the stairs.“I needed a shit. Didn’t want to stink out our house before the party, innit?”I laughed at that, genuinely impressed at her ingenuity. Maybe she wasn’t as dim as she appeared.“Fuck’s sake, I was worried about you,” Shannon sighed, beginning to calm down. “I thought he might have a*****ed you or something,” she said, looking at me with a scowl.“Clearly you were mistaken,” I said with a smile. I looked at Lauren, who averted her eyes briefly. Shannon was.
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