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One day, I got back in the silver jacket and thongs, and shaved myself. I was 18 and I liked to sniff glue at this time. It was during summer so I got a nice tan. I experimented with the dildo before but this time ti was different. I drew tanlines on my breasts with concealer and I filmed myself. First I talked a bit on the camera on how I am a slutty boy and then i started oiling myself with kitchen oil and touching and fingering. I penetrated myself with the dildo. My ass hurted but I did not mind. I uploaded the video on the internet on a local sex site. I had a very hard time explaining to my mom why her jacket was oiled up. A few days later, a friend invited me to go fishing.The friends name was Zoran. My dad had a young lover at this point, a couple of years older than me. I never liked her but dad seemed to want me to like her. I felt a bit like a jealous daughter. And I thought I looked better than her... it is weird, but to me it made perfect sense. When Zoran asked me to go. I came to the decision that that must come to an end, I have been in the cage for 72 hours and things have already changed. First, I must pee like a woman. Every time I go, I must squat. This alone has helped to further change my mindset. I am constantly aware that I can no longer just “go at will” and always am aware of where the nearest bathroom is when I am on the road because I can’t just whip it out anymore.Secondly, I no longer get to touch myself for pleasure. At ALL. No masturbating for a LONG time! Any time I get an urge and the body reacts as a guy, it physically hurts. Does that mean that I no longer have sexual urges? Of course not! What I am conditioning myself to do is get the male to female equivalent of a genetic girl getting wet. Sarina Valentina is a great example. Watch her videos and you will see that her “cock” doesn’t get hard, you never see her cum in a video, and her thing is more like a large clit than anything else. My sexual urges will be channeled in ways.
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