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Eventually we reached the top of the hill and had a breath taking view, stayed there took photos and came back to the resort to have the food. While in the resort, me and zee took further selfies in the phone and then we all were too tired and set off for the return journey.While returning, all the young people started occupying the last 2 rows of the bus. Zahl and Sany were sitting together in the second last row on the left side & Suhar and Zee were sitting together on the right side of the second last row. And I was alone sitting with the kids in the last row. The last row was situated higher than all other rows and due to this I could see everyone from behind including the driver. I was occupying the right window seat and Zee was right in front of me.We were all tired and later Zee asked me if I could give a head massage to her. I was bit surprised as I didn’t expect from her. I didn’t want to say no to her and thought of giving a massage. Just massage and nothing more. I said. All the possibilities of what could have happened. Never was my jealousy more than that moment, or any moment I remember it still. It was a pain that left a tiny scar that I could have avoided. However, that night also forced me to address my own jealous feelings and find a way to cope.My current coping mechanism is to embrace it fully. Yes, I get jealous. No that feeling won’t go away. But I will use it to my own choosing, hopefully creating some provocative writing from it instead of letting it consume me whole. I have imagined our trio in every possible way, you and her while I am left out, me fucking someone while she denies you again, me and my ex as you tear yourself down in your own lonely room. Admit the feelings and own them. Be the boss of them and never let them leave another scar.I will always tell you when I get hit on. Sometimes just out of my habit for honesty. Other times specifically to stir that green boiling pool in your mind. I mention dating, finding a boyfriend.
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