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She just has a few emotional problems.” Nine, eight, seven, I can’t tell this won’t be heaven. “She’s a Gypsy who got kicked out of her caravan for being a whore. Is there anyway she can get any lower?” Ten, ten, ten, shit, here it comes again! “Odpierdol siê! I left the caravan because my ideas on how a woman should behave were too revolutionary for that band of small-minded reactionaries.” “Yeah, and your ass was too fat for the wagon.” Knead dough until smooth, and roll until flat. I need to drink some whiskey from a flagon. For the next round, auntie and my girl exchanged the nastiest stares. As I cut my noodles into thin strips, I feel so very scared. After a seeming eternity, my sweetheart screams, “Dzukli,” and spits on the ground. Rocket’s ass peeks out of her candy red vinyl dress as she climbs pissed-off upstairs. “Why don’t you want to marry a nice Jewish girl?” “Auntie, I’m not exactly into nice Jewish girls.” “Oh Gawd, that shiske tsatskele turned into a bum-humping. First, she roamed around my house and made sure that no one was home. I didn’t have the slightest idea what was going to happen. After she noticed no one was there, mallu aunty said hello and hugged me. In return, I too hugged her targeting her bra hook.She sat down and I sat beside her. Annamma aunty was calm and told me, “Pat, we are so close. So I don’t want you to lie to aunty, okay?”I said okay and my heart was pounding fast.She told me, “I will get to the topic directly. Do you steal my bras? Or rather take my bras?”I knew I fucked up. I told her, “Yes aunty. I steal your bras.” She was happy that I told the truth. Next, she asked me why did I steal her bras? I couldn’t tell her anything. I was silent.Annamma aunty understood and told me, “Pat, no need to steal my bras from now on. Just ask me whenever you need it and I’ll give it to you. I’ll try to help you this way. I know you find me sexy and I hug you always because you feel good hugging me and touching my bra hook. Don’t.
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