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Instead she was driven by the intense fear, imbedded in her during her childhood, a phobia of losing control over her life. As the novel progressed, I further explored Cecilia's changing obsessions while she worked through her second year of college and established her relationship with Jason and the other people in her life."The Freshman" was longer than my first two novels, which was not what I intended when I started writing. As happened with my other two previous novels, the project took on a life of its own and demanded that I continue to explore the lives of my characters. That inner pressure even forced me to add four chapters after I thought I had concluded the novel at chapter 32.The reader will notice that the personalities of Jason and Cecilia and how they relate to each other are very different at the end of the story than at the beginning. Throughout the middle of the novel Jason's personality changes as he matures and Cecilia has to struggle to figure out how she can. Married eighteen years, one daughter seventeen, away as a counselor at a summer camp, saving every dime for college.Thought about Beth, and the growing distance between us. Seems I was even more clueless and fumbling now than when we were first married. And sex was history. She was only forty-one, still good looking. Maybe it was a female thing. I'd read about early onset menopause while I was in the doctor's office last month. Maybe that was it. Whatever, her attitude was starting to bleed over to Amy, and the hurt on her face when her mother went off was more than I was willing to bear. We were going to talk when she got home. I'd hit my limit, and honestly, if she didn't like it, I didn't give a shit. I was tired of living in a toxic environment.Clean, I decided to go out to the pub, get one of those great burgers, maybe have a beer or two. And I'd make sure that if I needed to go, I'd do it there.I was going out, and saw Gus getting his evening paper. The light bulb went on. Gus.
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