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I know a lot of the treatment stemmed from the actions of a certain teacher (thank you, Sister Lea) and kids picking up on the signals that it was okay to pick on me. I never knew the nature of the difference, I just knew it was there. Before the age of twelve I did have some clue (but not much more than that) about my gender differences, but after the events of Thanksgiving week 1967, I pretty much lost all that during my teenage years. (You can find more detail on that elsewhere.) So, is it any wonder that, after being told repeatedly and forcefully over many years that I was basically a waste of perfectly good air, I didn't have a very high opinion of myself? It wasn't until my sophomore year in college, where I was somewhere that nobody knew me or my past, that I didn't have that burden any more.As I grew up, too, over the years I absorbed the message from the media that the transgendered (not that such a word existed back then) were freaks, fitting subjects for humor and. She’s still smiling, oddly enough. I apologize for making a fool of myself, and tell her that really my friends pick out girls for me to take home, but tonight you stood out to me. I think she probably understands part of that is the alcohol talking, but she sheepishly looks away, seemingly embarrassed by this compliment. I rely on the haze in my head to tell her that she looks hot in that blue dress, and being polite, I order her another of whatever she’s drinking. As I listen to him flirt with me, it dawns on me that he isn’t messing around – I’m not just another girl he can sleep with and throw out that same night. He actually seems interested in me. I decide that I’m going to act on this hunch, and when he orders me another drink, I thank him by placing my hand on his thigh, close to his crotch. He freezes, and looks up at me. For a moment I’m locking eyes with him, almost not realizing that he puts his hand on top of mine. It’s as if we’re in a trance – just that slight touch.
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