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Needed to be, just be. Oh pins and needles, pins and needles. I decided to meditate. I put a chair in the doorway to the balcony and feeling the Gulf breezes, sat, nude, and began my ritual of calming self awareness. As I began my mantra, thoughts streammed in, uncontrollably: Oh, she is coming, 0h, what will she think? Did I disappoint last night? Oh, what did she think? Will she come? Yes she will come. Should I go pick her up? No, she can get here. Oh what will she think? Oh, what will she think observing me, experiencing me for the first time? For the first time: only get one chance to make a first impression. Oh, will she enjoy my touch: does she crave me as I her, is it important for her to do so. Is it possible to do so? Is it desirable to do so? Distinct I’s, we met in the ethereal never never land of our imaginations. Assisted by photos, assisted by words, assisted by trust, assisted by loneliness, assisted by something lacking in our other lives. Is it the vestige of. ‘Love is not everything humans make it out to be anyway. Ask anyone who has suffered a loss, or had their heart broken and you’ll know what I mean. Heartbreak is in your poetry, music and almost everywhere you look it seems. Regretfully, sometimes it is used to portray the futility in being human. ‘Once love no longer exists, you’ll know there is no threat to what you have with her. Your engaging in sex with others will not be seen as a threat since neither of you will be capable of loving someone else. What binds you is your genetic connection and unique ability in knowing each others thoughts. You’ll understand sex is simply a physical pleasurable thing and not what humans call, ‘making love’. ‘I know this is hard for you to understand now, since your perceptions are still human.’ He looked up and saw the waitress tapping her order pad with her pencil, impatiently waiting for him to acknowledge her presence and to give her his order. ‘I’m sorry. I guess I was lost in thought..
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