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I went into the back yard to find out how Woof had gotten out of the fence and discovered that I apparently had forgotten to close and latch the gate. After securing the gate, I took a dish towel from the kitchen and went to check on my new wife. I found her as I had left her, naked, curled up, in the back of my van, only now the sperm on her body had dried and left a crusty layer over her entire body. She appeared to have a terminal case of psoriasis.I reached in, shook her and she groaned. I shook her again harder, and she rolled onto her back and groaned louder. I had my hand on her shin and was about to shake her again when her eyes fluttered open a she stared blankly at the ceiling of the Ford. After a moment she looked down and spied my hand on her leg, she screamed.Then she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Get your fucking hands off of me!"I jerked my hand from her as if she were a thirteen year old yelling rape,Then she saw the small towel in my other hand snatched it from me. ' Eleanor Roosevelt said that. My dad, whom, may I remind you, you're going to meet for dinner Thursday, hammered that into my poor little head as soon as I was old enough to know what 'discuss' meant." She smiled."And what did your mother say about that overbearing exhibition of paternal control?" My dear mother," she said, broadening into a semblance of an Irish brogue, "thinks to this very day that the sun rises and sets upon the command of Colonel Anders Solheim. And she never fails to remind me that I have been a particularly happy experience in child-rearing for the two of them."I laughed. One thing I'd never heard escape the lips of Miss Johanna Solheim was the typical 'my parents are sooooo old/boring/uncool/etc." To be honest, I was looking forward to meeting a couple that could produce a Jo."See," she said, "you're thinking again, aren't you?" Guilty," I said. "Was just thinking of some of those other reasons. Came up with a flute solo." Speaking of," she said, " can you.
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