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Then she talked about contraception. She was reluctantto prescribe contraceptive pills when Mandy hadn't had her first period.Cynthia continued Mandy's internal examination, this time using aninstrument she said was called a speculum, taking great care to begentle. Mandy flinched when she felt it enter, more because of the coldof the metal than the tightness, though it did feel uncomfortable.Perhaps Cynthia was right about the stretching. Then she took Mandy'sfeet out of the stirrups and got her to sit up. She checked Mandy'sbreasts, gently feeling every part of them in circular motions. It wasfar from unpleasant. Mandy remembered she had always found Cynthia avery handsome woman (at least Derek had), and her gentle caring touchnow was very reassuring.Cynthia noticed Mandy's tattoo. "Ah, 'zhen'," she said (pronouncing it'tshen')."Sorry?" said Mandy, not understanding."Your tattoo. I speak a little Chinese. It says 'zhen'," answeredCynthia. "At least, that's what it would be in. But either way, ithappened, and the all-women kitchen crew were a far nicer and lesshomophobic, transphobic, chauvinist bunch than the people that had beenthere before.Nonetheless, I was afraid to lose my temper again - now that I was awoman, I didn't want to "bounce" off this gender pole and start goingback in the opposite direction. I didn't enjoy being a transitioningman, and I didn't want to revisit that circumstance.So I did what I could. I started listening to meditation tapes in themorning. I learned how to breathe with my diaphragm to calm me down whena dish got dropped or I got stiffed on a tip.I bought a small television set and began to accumulate the culturalknowledge of the day. I went to the library and checked out books andstarted reading them too. John Grisham and Tom Clancy weren't ErnestHemingway or William Shakespeare, but I did enjoy their stuffnevertheless.And I enjoyed making Jody laugh. She was a good friend. She'd look atme with bright eyes when she.
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