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While flipping through the mail that was lying on the counter I opened my ears to the sounds in the house trying to locate where my wife could be. Everything seemed quiet until I picked up a strange noise coming from upstairs. I called my wife's name and still got no response so decided to head upstairs to see where she was and what she was doing.As I was heading up the stairs the noise I had heard earlier was getting louder but I still couldn't figure out what it was. It seemed to be a sort of banging noise with grunts or something. I was certainly curious about it as I headed down the hallway to the master bedroom. The closer I got to the room, the louder the noise got then I could pick out my wife's voice above the rest of the noise. Just a few steps away from the door, it finally hit me. The sounds I was hearing were the sounds of sex. Two people going at it hard and heavy on a bed. At first I thought my wife was being attacked until I clearly heard her yell, "Fuck me, Oh God. The master who delineated Tristram Shandy’s father and the intrigue between the Widow Wadman and Uncle Toby would have drawn Trimalchio and his peers to admiration.INTRODUCTION.Of the many masterpieces which classical antiquity has bequeathed to modern times, few have attained, at intervals, to such popularity; few have so gripped the interest of scholars and men of letters, as has this scintillating miscellany known as the Satyricon, ascribed by tradition to that Petronius who, at the court of Nero, acted as arbiter of elegance and dictator of fashion. The flashing, wit, the masterly touches which bring out the characters with all the detail of a fine old copper etching; the marvelous use of realism by this, its first prophet; the sure knowledge of the perspective and background best adapted to each episode; the racy style, so smooth, so elegant, so simple when the educated are speaking, beguile the reader and blind him, at first, to the many discrepancies and incoherences with.
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