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Samantha Crumpet, Chairperson of the Department of Human Sexuality. First in the nation. First in the world, for all I knew. ‘A two million dollar Chair,’ the Dean continued reverently. ‘For a start….’ Suspicion flooded over me like an August heat wave. Two MILLION dollars? For a start? I’m not getting it. From what I have heard, Andy Senior is an even bigger jerk than his kid. Why would he bother? ‘So what strings are attached to this?’ I demanded. ‘I can just about imagine. Maybe something like, ‘Abstinence First?’ Or ‘Just Say No?” ‘No, no, nothing like that,’ the Dean began eagerly. ‘Obviously you have to keep his kid happy, although he didn’t specifically demand that. Well, he did say something about young Andrew being, uh, rather inept socially. ‘Kid couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse’ was the exact quote, I believe. Naturally I made it quite clear that he would not be entitled to interfere with your program in any way –‘ ‘And of course he wasn’t thinking of anything like that,’. This would also raise the acidity of the rainfall and in the oceans, rendering them incapable of sustaining any of the life forms we imported. The killing off of all oxygen producing organisms would cause the already near toxic levels of carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide in the atmosphere to steadily increase. Between that poisoning us and the inhaled ash hardening in our lungs, within a few weeks we would be unable to survive on the surface without protective gear we did not have. The dust shroud would also cause the planet to cool by an unknown amount, possibly to a point of triggering an ice age. The wildly turbulent atmosphere would make air travel impossible for years to come. There was also the chance of lava flooding the colony from the antipode faulting where the new mountains were formed. It sounded like all the worst parts of a nuclear winter, without any of the good parts, only substituting acidic rain for radiation.In short, the colony was fucked. In fact, the entire.
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