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But I always thought, 'I will tell them 'soon' but not right now!'There were so many wasted opportunities to tell anyone about my true inner feelings.I should have told them what I was feeling like. I know now that they would not have stopped loving me or anything like that. At that time I just was too immature to really know what to do, so I just remained silent, because I was scared for telling them, but I'm not sure what kind of consequences I was scared about.But as things advanced and more and more changes in me happened, it became harder and harder. Eventually it became impossible for me to come out with the truth because the changes were by then irreversible.The rapid physical changes were a very big shock for me. But the sexual desire to go on with the transition was too strong to fight along with the fear of telling my parents that the real reason was just to play out some crazy sexual fantasy and not any real desire to become female for good.Socially I had big problems. O.B. took a built for the 1st amendment right. My hat is off to the Bi-Polar, crazy man who had a dream what Porn should be like. Great movie is, the people VS Larry Flynt. )Now when my mom would got to work at the P/T job,& leave me with my S/F (home on disability). Left me pray for him to fill his sexual gratification, that she was not providing. When my mom would leave, my S/F take out his new magazine of Hustler. He would take me into the living room, & tell me to take my clothes off. Keep in mind that my S/F was famous for always walking around the house naked. ( always wonder what it would been like if I was a girl, see daddy walk around naked all the time lol)So in walks naked S/F with a magazine, told to take my cloths off. Became suck a retinue, when my mom would go to work. That I would get naked when she left, & be ready for my S/F & magazine. This was the basic training that made me 3times a day masturbater. He would always start out with the same brain washing comment,.
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