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Knowing he would not, I damned God to hell and broke the string on my rosary and flushed the beads and the cross down the toilet. I sobbed and sobbed for a while longer, wiped my eyes, walked out of the stall, fixed my hair and makeup, and walked back into the sanctuary with the bearing of a true southern lady my mother and years of cotillions and etiquette classes taught me to be. We don’t make a spectacle of ourselves in public. It was acceptable to shed a few tears at a funeral and dab our eyes with a handkerchief but we don’t lose our shit in public as I did in the restroom. Three days later I had a mental breakdown, went bat shit crazy, and broke almost everything I could in my bedroom before my father stopped me. My mother, my father, and I dealt with the tragedy in different ways. Me it was an eight-month stint in a mental hospital and drinking and drug use and years of therapy. My father became very despondent towards my mother and buried himself in his job and in. A little while later my mum showed up in my room."Mark, I want you to promise me whatever happens you just keep this between us. I have seen the way you've looked at my boobs, and now you're talking about my arse. You have told me that you like big girls, and that time you helped me up you got a little aroused. Be honest with me darling. Are you attracted to me?"I didn't hesitate, "Yes I am mum." Mark, I had that feeling. I am your mother though. We can't keep doing this. We can't have you looking at my underwear all the time Mark. I am your mother. On the other hand, I am so frustrated. I am frustrated sexually. Mark you are my son, and I am attracted to you, every mother is but we know it can never get sexual. If we go this way, no one ever knows. Not if we get in a fight, not for anything. You never say anything, you never use it against me, and we never bring it up."I shook my head."Now I am a little nervous so if you do not mind would you go first."I knew she meant take my.
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