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” She pinched me and cutely hit me and said, “Hmmm, but this plan is interesting. Let’s see if this wins me over.”I got super excited and asked her, “So are you suggesting we can try this?” Harini said, “Maybe,” and started smiling away and played the movie again. I kept looking at her and knew she was smiling inside. But she kept looking at the movie.After some time, she peeked at me and looked away. I knew this would help Harini get over her shyness. I decided to work on a plan on when I would get naked and refrain from letting her near me.More importantly, this kind of thing is more difficult for me to control than Harini. But a plan was forming in my head. Swathi has taught me meditation tricks that helped her stay calm.My biggest concern was what if Harini takes a very long time to initiate getting intimate with me. I end up waking the animal in me. But that was for another day. For now, we watched the movie and had a good dinner, and went to bed. I did not want to trouble her. But I’m sorry for thinking your feelings were unjustified.Leah cleared that up for me. That’s for sure.But just like you told me once, my feelings aren’t necessarily rational but it doesn’t change them.I feel betrayed by my sister. But I also feel betrayed by my parents for not stopping her. And sadly, my love, I feel betrayed by you too for not protecting me.But I know these thoughts aren’t rational so I’m going away for a while to fix things. I need to be able to close my eyes without seeing that day. I need to be able to see you without reliving the last time you held me in your arms.I want you to know that I’m not deserting you. I swear I’m not. I don’t know when but someday I’ll find you, if only to give you a better explanation. As soon as I can be the person that I need to be for me and the person I need to be for you.I hope you’ll give me time to find what I need and I hope you’ll respect my need for privacy. It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I just can’t put my life.
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