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I had had nosisters, and my mother's clothes had never held any attraction for mewhatever. And I don't know whether I would have dressed up had theopportunity arisen; I was much more interested in being dressed.And in fact, years before Sheila and I were married, I got a chance tolive out that fantasy. Joan, a girl I was living with, decided oneevening that she would like to dress me in her clothes. I said yes,eagerly; this was what I had always wanted to experience. But whenshe got me into her things, it felt terrible, as if I were doingsomething that was, at some very deep level, *wrong.* I was bitterlydisappointed; I had expected to enjoy it; I had wanted to enjoy it;and I couldn't. So that one try was our last.I never forgot that experience. I still had fantasies about wearingsoft, lovely dresses and skirts. A couple of times after that failedexperiment, when Joan was out, I tried again on my own, each timehoping that this time I would like it as much as I had expected. Whether you see it or not, I believe it's your fear of what you might find out that is keeping you from moving on. I don't want to sit here and see you in pain when you have the power to improve things, maybe even get past it." Bryan, I don't know," I said slowly, trying to take in everything he was saying. "I still don't see what me forgiving her has to do with anything."He looked at me sympathetically. "It takes you away from being a victim and allows you to take charge again. Right now, what Jenny did is running your life; dictating your decisions. By stepping past your pain and treating your wife with compassion, I think you'll find the strength to deal with the rest of this." So you're not saying you are expecting me to forgive her for doing this to me or to give her another chance?" I asked, still confused."No," he said, shaking his head. "This is all about you regaining the feeling of being in charge of your life. Part of it comes from you proving that you're not afraid. The.
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