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I remember I used to hold Jay's penis while he urinated. I had always mostly sat to pee, I guess because I had no male influence growing up, but Jay thought it was cute. But very quickly the dynamic changed, and Jay became pretty strict with me, ordering me around, yelling at me when I fucked up, even grabbing me and shaking me during arguments. Then he began slapping me. I just figured that, in our relationship, someone had to be the husband, and someone else the wife. And there was no doubt who was who in our situation. I mean, Jay was always apologetic after a fight, especially if he had given me a black eye or a fat lip, and the makeup sex was really hot. In some ways it excited me when he got angry and hit me, because it made me feel secure in the sense that I knew he loved me. I had seen the same dynamic in my mother's relationship with Monica - who was definitely the "man" in that.One night Jay took me to the city to a club called Port Authority. I was young, and I looked even. Julia. What is wrong? Go away! I just want to die! I put my hands on her shoulders, wanting to comfort her. It cant be that bad! Would you like to tell me about it? Maybe I can help? She gave a big sob, then said, Im afraid to go home. OK. So why dont you let me take you to my favourite restaurant? We can talk about life the universe and everything. Maybe the world will seem less bleak after an excellent meal, a little wine, and some friendly company. Oh! I dont know. Normally I would love to have dinner with you, but tonight I would be such a wet blanket. Listen, I am not being altruistic. I would really enjoy your company, even if you are not your usual, chirpy, self. Please say yes. Well dont say I didnt warn you. For most of the meal, which was, as I had promised, excellent, I kept the conversation light. Julia seemed to cheer up, but while we were waiting for our desert, she fell silent. I reached across the table, took her hand in mine and asked, A penny for your thoughts? Oh.
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