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"Please go on." Shaniqua doesn't know any of this. I would never tell her. I don't know exactly why. I just feel I can trust you. It helps, I guess, to tell somebody." I'm glad you feel that way about me." So... after my divorce, which happened about three years ago, I began to lean more toward the lesbian side, mostly with white women, but a few black women too. With the white women I kept wanting to be dominated. I didn't tell them... I just kept feeling it. Don't know why. When I got involved with Shaniqua, I thought maybe it was gone. But when I saw you..."Laura swallowed and did not dare to speak for a few seconds."She's very sweet," she said to Marie. "She probably wouldn't understand."Marie nodded. "She's a little naïve. For a while she was so involved in this space alien thing that I thought I might have to get help for her. But then she bounced out of it into Magic cards and competitions, which is her compulsion now. You're right, though. She's sweet. Not a mean body in. I watched him walk to his car, defeat showed in the slump in his shoulders. Such a fine strong man, most women would be tickled to have his interest. Just not for me. I realized he wouldn’t call again, that was all fine with me. I went inside, looked around. It was quiet and peaceful. I drew a bath, stripping, I stepped naked into the tub. I lay there and soaked for the longest time, lost in my thoughts. I could live for another 30 years, easily. All alone? I didn’t think I could stand that, being here in this beautiful home, surrounded constantly by memories. I reached for the leather case I had brought from my job. I took the vial, filled the syringe. I lay back, peaceful now, I was ready. I stared at it, my decision, my power. I love the feeling of power, only one man was ever my equal, and he was gone. I started to slip the needle into my arm, and suddenly Ted’s voice said, ‘NO!! Don’t you do that!!’ I sat straight up with a splash, knocking soap bottles off the side of the bath..
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