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The way my mom always said it was 'you can't drink tea with your dick in your hand, ' which makes a hell of a lot more sense than what he said." Humans have dicks?" the nose-picker asked."Dunno," the third one shrugged as he dropped his axe. "Ask the Biffer Bimbo elf. I heard there isn't a house in the magic lands where she hasn't dropped someone's pants. More than one told me she even does the clam dip serenade." Well, if it was a dwarf, she probably got her entire head sucked up that cavern," nose-picker said and they both roared with laughter."Would you two stop yammering," Bernie said as he pushed them aside and dropped his axe. "He's trying to be polite. You two can't cook worth shit and I want my cup of tea."Bernie turned back to Pardin, "You got any fresh fettock in the house for my tea?" he said, staring at the fresh cut branches of the herb hanging on the wall. "I've been a little bit constipated these past few days. Probably eating too much shit on the road."Raw fettock was. I spent most of the day and the rest of the night sitting by the phone chewing my nails and waiting for the damn thing to ring. At six-ten on Sunday morning the phone rang and I answered it to find a Sergeant Matthews of the campus police on the other end."Do you know a Mary Ellen Reardon?"I told him that Mary Ellen was my wife."We found her sitting on a park bench on campus and she's in pretty bad shape."I told him I would be right down and he interrupted me to say that she wouldn't be at the campus police station:"We are having her transported to Mercy Hospital. She will be in the emergency room."I found Sgt. Matthews waiting for me when I got there."She's in the exam room and I'll take you in to see her in a minute, but first, can you tell me why your wife would be sitting on a bench on campus at five forty-five in the morning?"I told him about how she had been missing since Friday night and what the position of the local cops had been. He shook his head in understanding."Well,.
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