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" Of course Ma'am," she said."Have you had lunch yet Osborn?" I asked."No Ma'am," she said."Are you a health food nut or have any special requirements in your diet?" I asked."Well I try to eat healthy," she said."Okay it's the salad bar at the steakhouse on the way to Dobson," I said."That sounds fine," she said. "But if you would prefer somewhere else I would be fine with that as well."I could tell she was the chubby nerd in high school. Way smarter than anyone of her friends, but not very athletic or any of the other things that wins you peer approval. "So Osborn I hear you are a brilliant deputy." I don't know what to say to that," she said."You don't have to say anything but if I were you I would start reading all the FBI manuals on investigation and forensics," I said."Detective Simpson said the same thing when he saw me in front of the station yesterday," she suggested.I nodded, then I gave her the GPS coordinates for Moose and Son lawn service and Landscaping. Deputy Osborn. “Just, any time you’re bored with the country whose very name is a bigger punchline than mine on Rita’s show.”“Oh, Claire texted,” Julie said, giving Helen her out. “She said she’d forgotten to compliment you on your response to the ‘grab ‘em by the pussy’ thing.”I remembered her response, but let them steer the conversation. I picked up that the “pack up and move” discussion wasn’t one either wanted to have right now, and let them make their way back to Helen’s problem.“Thanks, but I’ll grab my own. I have more faith that MY dainty little lady-hands are up to the job than yours?”“Yeah. She asked if you’d leave it as a voice mail before you go. And speaking of going, what’re we going to do about this?”“And why,” I asked. “Does it involve us dressing like we’re bored with our suburban lives and are going out shoplifting to get some kind of thrill?”Helen turned to Julie.“You explained the shoe thing, right?”“On the way here.” Julie responded.“Ok, good.” Helen nodded to her, then turned.
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