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I was so wound up, and had gone from mortified to elated, that I didn't care anymore. I wanted to get started right now.After Kay had left on Sunday, I thought about that last 15 years that John and I could've been together, if we hadn't both been congenitally stupid. And for a while I mourned that lost time. But I slowly realized that it was probably for the best, and if we'd been together that young we may have outgrown each other, or gotten sick of each other or something. Both of us had too many changes to live through, and I doubt we'd have made it. It would've been nice to lose my virginity to him though, and I could've done it earlier than freshman year in college, which would've made high school much more bearable. But still, I think, I hope, things turned out for the best and we just had to wait this long to be ready for each other.Once we'd gotten past the opening shocks in the conversation, I had an epiphany. John was my dom. I was free. Free to be who I wanted, and he. Her eyes held panic and terror. ‘Gretchen, look at me,’ I said calmly. ‘Focus on me. Don’t touch anything with your hands.’ She swallowed and visibly brought herself under control. ‘What happened here?’ I asked, my cop voice cutting through her panic. ‘I… I don’t know.’ Gretchen tried to look back toward the bathroom, but I shifted a half step and blocked her line of vision. I needed her to focus on me, to tell me what happened, and I knew we didn’t have much time. ‘I came up here to tear a strip off of Kat for that stunt she pulled with the senator. The door was open, so I came inside, ready to fight.’ ‘Where did you get the knife?’ I asked. ‘It was on the floor beside the door,’ she said, looking at me trying desperately to control her panic. ‘Hawk, I didn’t do this! I didn’t know what was happening. I just picked up the knife and found them when I came in. I didn’t kill them. I swear!’ An instinct I didn’t even know I had within me wanted to grab her, protect her, and reassure.
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