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But I don’t care if her feet are tiny or big, high arched or fairly flat. Nicely trimmed toenails with a neat paint job in a subdued shade of red would be nice.’ ‘So you’ve got some pretty definite ideas in your mind about what she should look like. Let’s switch to something else. When you’re having a conversation with her, how should that go? Do you care what she says, or how she says it?’ ‘I guess I do, although I haven’t thought about it. I like to be able to have a pleasant conversation without having to work hard at it, and I couldn’t stand for every response to something I say being ‘Oh, gee,’ or ‘Like wow,’ or ‘I don’t know anything about that.’ You know how it is when you’re working here and we’re talking about something, anything. Last week I mentioned the Border Patrol agent who got shot, and you knew what I was talking about, and you had some opinions on it. The words flowed easily, and we went from one topic to another in a relaxed, natural way. It’s nice to be able to. He paused and remembered her, as she was — in the beginning. Another autumn evening, walking under storm-tossed skies much like these. Blue shadows along tree lined streets, deep autumn in Cambridge — walking up Holyoke Street from her dorm to the music lab amidst a sea of swirling leaves. His senior year. Her thesis loomed. Debussy. Prelude to the Afternoon of a Fawn. Stacks of notes caught by a passing gust, papers joining leaves in a flurry down a windswept, cobbled street, frantic grasping, and how he’d joined her rounding up notes before they disappeared in the next gust. How she cried, how he had helped her pick up the pieces, carried her along even then. The afternoon of a fawn. Indeed, his entire life, the entire score of their days together had been little more than foreshadowing. Such a gentle piece, sun-warmed and infinite. So like her smile. So unlike the life he dreamed of. He remembered watching her play later that winter, viola or piano, it didn’t matter. Profound.
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