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Even though everyone knew this day would come, its arrival still shook them to their being. It was hard to imagine life without the two, patriarch and matriarch of the family that had flown in from all parts of the world to attend this memorial service. ‘How do you sum up the lives of two people so important to all of us in such a short time that we have today? As they lived their lives together, they fought two battles: keeping us all safe from our enemies abroad and from our society here, teaching us to accomplish whatever it was that we set out to do. ‘I look around and see my brothers, sisters and cousins, all successful in their own ways… doctors, lawyers, teachers, members of the military following their steps. Yes, we are not all here… John and Eliza have been gone for many years. We lost John, Jimmy and Stephen during Vietnam and Mary Beth and Susan… ‘Losing Susan, I think hurt us all more than anything else. I know that Gram felt so hurt…’ There were nods in the crowd while. “I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?” To which the blonde man replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”A friend told the blonde man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” The blonde man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?” The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” To which the blonde man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday!LEXOPHILIA- WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?A lexophile of course!• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.• England has.
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