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Maybe it hadn’t been Walt. When she thought about it, she had pushed him pretty hard for a baby. Maybe she’d only thought Walt wanted one too, just like he’d said. Mellissa was certain Walt knew she’d stopped taking the pill, but maybe she should have made sure. Maybe she was so selfish she didn’t want to ask him, to risk hearing him saying no. Maybe she was so selfish she should never have gotten married. But if she hadn’t married Walt, she wouldn’t have Timmy. The little blonde-haired boy was the light that brought her home every night. Why couldn’t men see how wonderful Timmy was? Was it because he wasn’t theirs, the son they would sire in the heat of passion with one they loved, or was it just because he was there, in the way of quiet evenings with a fire and a glass of wine or weekends at a favorite hideaway? It was almost as if they expected she should chose between the child who had shared her body for nine months and the love they would give her. ‘Mommy, this Sunday, after. Moisture clawed out of my tear ducts and gathered on the lids. “Please, Logan,” I begged, hands clasped together. “Go get the chair, Addison.” I shut myself into darkness and took deep breaths. Tears finally spilled, leaving wet trails on my face. One slid toward the corner of my mouth and I caught it with the tip of my tongue. Those five words, so decadently spoken in a lower octave, his tone, so resolute and unflinching, punched my gut. I was crazy, totally insane, because, like a robot, without the option of declining its designer, I opened my eyes, spun on my heels and did exactly as he asked. I had to. From somewhere deep inside, this block rose up, leaving me unable to resist. I couldn’t. I have no idea why, but I yearned, ached to make him happy, to not let him down. No, that wasn’t entirely true. In all honesty, I wanted him to find me worthy. Maybe then, my life could begin, and I could be free from the strangling confines of a vanilla world that would consider me a deviant.
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