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As my eyeswandered over the shelves of beauty products, the hair dryers, and theflowery decor, I felt a strange emotion, one that I had been feeling moreand more lately, like I was a turncoat somehow. Betraying my identity.But the strangest thing about this feeling was that it made mefeel...peaceful, but at the same time, excited, expectant. I really wasmoving along that proverbial road."You sure are quiet, hon." Steven was working away, clipping here,teasing there, taking a lot of time to get it right, whatever "it" wasgoing to be."I'm just admiring your place," I said."Feeling like Danielle in the lion's den?" Sort of, I guess," I chuckled."You'll get used to it, hon. This'll be like your second home.Stephanie knows. Hold your head still now." He looked intently at myforehead, clipped just a bit, held my chin in place and clipped andcombed on the left, then the right side."When Stanley sees you, he's gonna think he's died and gone to heaven!" You're not making me look too. Instead, I collapsed. Screaming, my head in my hands. Uncontrolled I was helpless. I was on my knees, screaming, almost convulsing, in the fucking courtroom. They sent cops out to get me. Straight jacket. Padded room. Suicide watch. The whole fucking deal. Zoey was with Beth? They were girlfriends? Probably fucking? THE BITCH!!!! ***** My public defender didn’t like that I offered no explanation of the rape. I didn’t tell him about the teasing. Or the time with she and Jon down at the river. All I said was that my relationship with Beth was consensual. But that was all. Regarding Zoey, I just said, numbly, ‘I did it.’ And he really didn’t like my mental breakdown in the courtroom. I didn’t care. I didn’t care to fight. Fight or flight? I was definitely all about flying at this point. What good would it do? Nobody was going to believe me, anyway. I was nothing but a dirty rapist and that’s all I would ever be. The thing about public defenders was that they were working on five to ten.
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