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It didn’t help that it was a closed casket funeral – she’d effectively been crushed in the car – and that my final visual memory of her was after the accident, the adored face that had smilingly greeted me every morning and evening for four years, bloody, broken, and damaged almost beyond recognition.It was bad enough for our parents, who hadn’t seen her in the morgue, but who were denied a final viewing and a chance to look at her beautiful features one last time as they said their goodbyes at the funeral home. It was especially hard for them that they had also lost their future grandson; they’d been even more excited than we had been when we announced that we were expecting again.The funeral was doubly difficult with a toddler in my arms – Hayley of course knew that Mommy was not there with her, but didn’t, and couldn’t, understand why we were putting this big box in a hole in the ground and all crying. To me, the world lost all its color that day; I do remember the unnatural vivid. It was then she received my call and she started taking in low voice like a whisper. “Hey dear, u finally did it ummmaaaaahhh have you enjoyed”“Yes darling, and I am still shivering with excitement it was so good; thanks so much”“np you should start enjoying more and behave freely now you give me a lot of pleasure when u r slutty now that u have 18 hours in the train u can plan something more.”“No!! Are you crazy? He was my friend. I trust him how can I trust a random guy no I can’t do that.”“Dear random guys turn you on more u can judge with your eyes pick someone of your age. May be a student who came for the exam “saying that I spoke a lot of things, reasoned with her, and then she agreed.“OK, I noticed a guy whom I saw at the exam center he is in the same compartment. He smiled at me and I dint respond maybe I should try him”“Super, go ahead” and then I cut the phone off.She came out, used the WC and on the way greeted him back “I saw you at the exam center how was your attempt..
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