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I can feel his muscles through his shirt. He’s rock hard. I look up at him and his blue eyes pierce into mine. Rick who? Seriously…Kyle is insanely hot. It must run in the family, I guess. He smiles a little and clears his hair out of his eyes with a sexy toss of his head. “Excuse me, Lanie. You ok?” he asks. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him speak. His voice is deep and has a teasing edge to it. “I’m fine. Sorry. I guess I wasn’t watching where I was going.” “I’m sure that was it. Not that I was trying to get your attention or anything,” he says softly. “With eyes like yours, you don’t need any help getting attention,” I say. I cringe slightly, that sounded so cheesy, but the huge grin from Kyle is well worth it. He’s got dimples when he smiles big like that. So cute. “You caught my eye last week when you first came back. I feel like I’ve been competing with every guy here to catch yours,” he says, leaning against the wall. The dimples are still there. I’m getting butterflies. It drifts in and before it has a chance to form it disappears, elusively slipping between my fingers. I never seem to be able grasp it. It slides away, farther and farther, each time I try to reach for it. And then I wake up only to find I’m still trapped in this nightmare, a nightmare of a life with no joy, no happiness, no love, nothing but sadness for me. Each day I wake up. Each day I wonder. I wonder what it would have been like. To just have, the briefest of moments to be with you. To be a whole person again. To be a real person with a life again. To be what used to be me. I wonder about a life that can never be now. A life that, that by contrast, is so different than what I have now. I can not hope for this to be as I would like it. Doing so would mean not considering you and your situation. So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder.
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