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" Yeah," said Hannah. "And the bloody scalpers are asking for nine hundred dollars for even the worst seats." And I don't even get a cut of those dollars," Jake said.The two girls giggled as if this was the funniest thing they'd ever heard."I don't suppose," said Hannah, "that you have any extra tickets on you?" Nope," Jake said. "Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to pass out tickets to any of the shows. It's a contract thing." This was not strictly the truth, of course. If Jake or any of the other band members or even some of the upper echelon of the road crew wanted someone to have tickets to any particular show, it could be arranged. Jake was not in the habit, however, of arranging it for young girls he met in front of hotel lobbies — even if they were incredibly cute and exuding naked sexuality."Oh," Hannah said, pouting a little. "Well, that's too bad." She brightened a little. "Could you sign one other thing for me?" What's that?" Jake asked, although he already knew. Such requests. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.’ He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. ‘Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of’.The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light, ‘ he said.Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.‘Oh sure’, said BUBBA. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already SHIT my pants.’BUBBA is now.
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