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Even then I am still not genetically female. Thereis no way I will ever give birth. The view in the mirror isstill too masculine. I don?t know if I could ever get ridor my beard or the rug that covers my body. I am too tall.My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone whois trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get beat upby someone who believes he is a ?real? man. Or I might justbe lucky enough just to get a snide remark. I need to bewith woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go tothe restroom in a public place it is with a sister or agirlfriend. I need to be with a man as his woman and knowthat he is or will be the father of my babies.I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born withthat genetic defect that said I should be playing with gunsand trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me neededto rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not tohurt anyone else so be what I appear to. I long for the opportunity to express what I feel in my heart with my body to your body. When I come inside you, I ache because I feel so in love with you and I don’t want that special instant to end. It’s not the physical pleasure, it’s the connection, the attachment. If I want to do it over again, it’s because I want that total connection with you. I do so love you, my darling, my baby, my girlfriend. Every night, forever? Yes. Every night, forever. I promise to just take you, the way a man takes his woman, without pause or thought. I’m happy you love me to do it that way. Sometimes, I like you to take charge, to tell me what you want, to tell me what to do and when to start and when to stop. I love it when we do that. We’ll try to mix it up. I think we’re learning to talk about our intimate times together, to enjoy that as much as we’re learning to enjoy the things we do when we’re alone and the pleasures we find in each other. There’s no part of you I won’t kiss and love to kiss..
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