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They talked about many things during the course of dinner: School and soccer to begin with but as they progressed they were able to talk about what the last few years had meant or done to them. She practically cried blubbering with apologies for the non-mother she had been until he forbade her to continue, saying a major shock like his father death was enough reason and no apologies were needed or desired.As dinner came to a close he reached over and gently held her hand and looking into her eyes told her how glad he was that she was now "back" and how proud he was of her over the past week. She just nodded afraid that if she spoke her voice would crack and she would begin crying again. She looked in his eyes and it struck her -- not that it was much of a surprise at that -- that she now belonged to him heart, body and soul. Not with him, to him. He may not know it yet but he owned her. She was his to do with as he pleased. If he told her to whore for him she would, just because he. After a few seconds, it all seemed to sink in. This was it. [dying] What do you do, knowing you’re balanced on the brink of death? Resting on the very cusp of destruction, where you know you’ll die in a hail of fire, stone, blood and flesh? ‘Looks like you’re not going to have time after all,’ the man said calmly, and he turned back to the boy. So this is what it was like to be a condemned man, he thought. To wait at the gates of hell, with nothing to do but sit and ponder your own fate. [could I have been a better person?] We did this, he thought. Humanity had been it’s own downfall, this self perpetuating downward spiral. All this is a consequence brought on by our own hand. [if you believe in that sort of thing] And we’ll never get away. We’ll never get to take the easy way. He told himself it didn’t matter. They would be alright. That they’d find a better place in this twilight. But the longing that he felt, staring down into the face of the one reason he’d stayed alive made it.
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