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That was ridiculous, of course. No one can see into another's soul. But I'd thought I could understand the way he really felt about me. I'd thought that he'd had a very specific, very special thing for me. It wasn't love, but given the opportunity, it could be. He crushed on me, he admired me ... he worshipped me, on some level.Or was all that just a figment of my imagination?Maybe he was half in love with me and just wanted to know that I didn't despise the very thought of him. Maybe he hoped that we could bond over this, to develop the attraction we'd felt last night, and perhaps build a relationship out of this mess.Maybe he thought I was just a drunken slut who was easily seduced and discarded by a charming womanizer. Maybe he was more or less indifferent to me and just porked me while he had the opportunity and then wanted to get as far away from me as he could. Maybe the letter was just an elaborate ruse to defuse my anger and a cover so that I wouldn't press charges against. Middle-aged. Pale. Overweight. Ugly. Lonely. Depressed.*We'd got chatting in a bar after I'd accidentally trodden on her toe – both drunk but she more drunk than me – and admitted towards the end of the evening she'd had a rough time when she had been younger, hinted at abuse.Damaged and vulnerable, I'd concluded as I'd given her my mobile number - my kind of female.I'd met her the next day for a coffee in town and she'd been uglier than I'd recalled: beady little brown eyes too close together set in a pudgy round face with a snub nose and flared nostrils with a prominent chin. Her hair was a mousey brown, badly styled and touched her shoulders. I can't remember what she was wearing because she was so ugly, too ugly to fuck, but maybe, just maybe, ugly enough to hurt.She'd talked too much about her job in the local library, her love of literature, tried to impress me, but to no avail – it was a charade and she knew that I knew it.I'd cut to the chase. "You're damaged. Tell me about.
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